My Blog

It’s my best friend’s recital today, so I decided to buy her a bunch of flowers. Flowers are really pretty, I only give it to someone who worth having it, or else the flowers will be spoiled.

So, I brought the flowers to the recital. I knew someone would come to me and ask ‘why didn’t you give me flowers during my recital?’ I expected it, so i just laughed at it. When I just stepped in to school, less than 1 minute, 2 taiwanese girls saw my flowers and started to question me about it. I said, oh, it’s for bla bla bla…and they started to question ‘why me no flower…’…and ‘why u bought her flower..bla bla bla …..’ again.  These people are really retarded! I wanted to say, you don’t worth having these beautiful flowers, becase you’re ugly and disgusting inside out.

I stepped away from that scene. went to practice a little bit before the recital. Then, I brought the flowers again to the recital hall. And another girl asked me again about the flowers, she said "oh, you so nice, such a good friend…" and…"how come you didn’t buy me flowers for my recital…." again… later she added "you jerk…" Of course, she’s kidding…so I just laughed at it… she’s the 3rd for that night.

she played the final note….applause….I walked up to the stage and hand her the flowers. She was very happy…and so do I.

Reception, I didn’t stay there too long, because I know some bitches will question me about the flowers again. And i’m sure those taiwanese girls really care about it, just because they’re retarded, greedy and stingy. So after taking picture with my friend, I took my jacket and ran out the school to buy my dinner.

Heavily rained that night…and i forgot my umbrella…so I walked back again, and saw 3 taiwanese girls were discussing about the flowers.  I ignored it, and walked to the crowds. Then one of them asked me…."give me 3 reasons why you didn’t buy US flowers during my recital" (us, that means, question for 3 of them)….I really wanted to say "because you’re disgusting, your playing sucks and you don’t deserve it"… I’m really kind, so i told her "oh..because she’s my best friend", "I love her"….and then she stopped me and say…"hey, stop the nonsense and tell me…." It really pisses me off…so I just replied her "sorry, I can’t answer your question then…" and walked away..

Thoughts…

I bought flowers for my best friend’s…and these devils kept attacking me, and tried to step over me…."oh i’m just kidding" in the end doesn’t really help what they spelled out.  It’s not easy to be kind, they expect me to buy flowers for everyone? Fucking bitches…when there’re too many girls in a school or society…they really create problems…sorry girls, it’s so true, so just behave.

What is the expiration date of ..Truth? A slight delay of realising the truth will damage and destroy helpless man. I’m lucky enough to survive in this search of truth. I have no clue what made me provides unconditioned love? what motivates me? and…Why? God is right, so true, but I still can’t follow his way…yet. I prayed the truth will come to me soon, really soon, before I lost my way…

I really enjoy the feeling of quiet and numb.  It made me focus more on whatever I do, especially playing the cello. Recently i’m trying to ignore people, it’s such troublesome to make everyone happy. At least ignoring doesn’t hurt people. Hmm…i’m tired of social life, although I used to be a social butterfly…kekeke

My life has changed a lot these few weeks. New thoughts, new ideas, new challenges. Last week, a very famous cellist -  Aldo Parisot (86 y/o) came to my school and conduct a masterclass. I am fortunate enough to witness this event. He is so creative and straight forward, you could cry if you’re not strong enough to accept his words… which I think is very good for American schools. cos most of the people here are so used to good words; "hey, sounds good", "good job", "fantastic", they never really have chance to hear the truth. (don’t you know the truth set you free..?) My teacher told me years ago, a cellist played something too nervously in a master class, Parisot asked him to go practice and then move on to the next person…awesome man~  This is the best class of the year.

School’s ending in less than a month. I don’t know how I spent this 4 years, it passes by so quickly. will turn 24 in few weeks, omg, so old..hmm…and my cello still sucks… >_<…

9pm now, 2 more hours to go in library..

Really like this lyrics, i guess this is how i felt about life. I challenge the world, doing random stuff everyday. sometimes I desperate to rely on someone. I guess for now, I still have to walk this dark world by myself. Maybe i’m too simple, and yet a little complicated in some other things. I can be destroyed easily…

我的小时候吵闹任性的时侯
我的外婆总会唱歌哄我
夏天的午后老老的歌安慰我
那首歌好像这样唱的
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
离开小时候有了自己的生活
新鲜的歌新鲜的念头
任性和冲动无法控制的时候
我忘记还有这样的歌
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑
我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人
我以为这就是我所追求的世界
然而横冲直撞被误解被骗
是否成人的世界背后总有残缺
我走在每天必须面对的分岔路
我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福
爱总是让人哭让人觉得不满足
天空很大却看不清楚好孤独
天黑的时候我又想起那首歌
突然期待下起安静的雨
原来外婆的道理早就唱给我听
下起雨也要勇敢前进….
我相信一切都会平息
我现在好想回家去
天黑黑欲落雨
天黑黑黑黑

I really hate alarm clock, thought my alarm clock life would have finished since high school…i guess it will still go on for my whole life~ … (screaming)

Was gonna play for my friend’s recording this morning at 4am, but my a~ho~ friend mess up the day, it should be Thurs. morning instead of Wed.’s…. -_-_-_-_-_-_-_- …need to wake up 3.30am later again…T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T

Woke up sunday morning at 9am; monday morning, 7am; Tuesday morning, 6am; Wednesday morning 3.30am. Wat a crazy week.

Sunday morning, had a dress rehearsal for a concert in BU. Monday morning my friend drove me to New Jersey. Tuesday morning went to Canada Embassy in NYC, trying to get a visa to visit someone. Wednesday morning, need to help my friend to play for her composition recording. -_-…*_*…T_T…help help help~~~

hungry…and sleepy….what should I do??? eat or sleep…??? WAHHhhh~~~~ T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T_T