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Finally, everything came to an end. This is my second last day working in library. It’s May, Spring(finally, for boston), this is when everything blossoms. perhaps this is the longest stay I ever had in USA. Every May 10th of the past 3 years, I flew back to KL. I’m quite regret for many decisions i’ve made. I put too much hope on everything, and everyone.

After July 4th, i’m an illegal resident of USA, if i don’t enrol a new program. Actually I did, and again, i’m stuck in all these money matters. Tomorrow all the decisions will be made, if i’m lucky enough, i’ll get another full-scholarship school, if not, then i have to plan on a job in Asia. My life don’t belongs to asia anymore.

Last night Chern Hwei told me a very shocking story. There’s one really talented cellist, she graduated from Indiana University and Julliard School, and she auditioned for Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra few weeks ago. Her audition was a tremendously success, the panels was impressed by her skillful playing. (she auditioned for assistant principal cellist post btw.) I haven’t heard her playing before, but by the reputation of the schools she attended and those famous teachers she studied with, i can say, she’s much higher level than I am, I’m pretty sure. Eventually, she failed to get the post by the reason "you’re too young!" I think she’s around 23 now, it’s not so ‘young’ to get a professional job. And obviously there are many politics going on in there. I don’t know, I try not to care, but it concerns me a lot.

I don’t know my future, what I can think of is ..maybe try to get a job in USA, then will plan on MPO after that. Why MPO? because i’m malaysian, and I wish to work in my own territory (I thought their  target is getting more malaysians to play in the orchestra?). I wish to educate and bring hopes to the musical world in Malaysia. But … but but but…and more buts.

Who can do something to MPO? Petronas, please stand up and protest…can you please?

Now it made me more miserable. If i failed to stay in USA for another 2 years, that means I have to go back. For…? the impossible and over-political MPO? or…. hmm… this is really really sad. Pathetic malaysian. God, please give me power…I really need it, to fix something.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 3rd, 2007 at 5:08 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.